Pee Bottles and Holiday Parties

It was great to see my hero Gretchen at the Seattle Mountain Rescue Holiday Party. Gretchen has been giving me advice on climbing Denali.

Gretchen’s nickname is “Superwoman.” She’s climbed and skied all over the world. She has not only summited Denali, but also climbed El Cap. She’s a surgeon for one of the best hospitals in the U.S. specializing in Obstetrics and Gynecology. In her spare time, she’s medical lead for Seattle Mountain Rescue. She’s also a breast cancer survivor. “Superwoman” is not an exaggeration.

Superwoman on the right after climbing in Red Rocks together.

Me and Superwoman after climbing in Red Rocks together.

So we were at the Seattle Mountain Rescue holiday party. SMR is mostly men. There are exactly four active women on the roster. The holiday party was definitely meat heavy. What do climber girls talk about at parties? Peeing. And this is something I am very concerned about recently. How am I going to whip down my panties at 40 bellow and not have frostbite on my butt and frozen pee popsicles in my pants?

We were maybe a little drunk. And we were possibly speaking a little too loud so we could hear each other over the din:

“Don’t worry! I’ll teach you,” Gretchen says. “You roll back the sleeping bag and sleeping pads in the tent so you have bare tent floor. Use that Nalgene, you know the one with bpa that you just can’t get rid of because it’s been up too many mountains but that you know you shouldn’t drink out of because it will give you cancer?”

IMG_1953

Pee bottle in training.

“Should I get a pee funnel?” I say. Lots of girls use pee funnels in the wilderness, but I’ve never been good at it.

“No! no!” Gretchen say, “you just have to line the outer lip of the Nalgene bottle exactly with your clitoris. You don’t need a pee funnel. Works every time!” (She’s a doctor, so she has earned the right to use the word “clitoris” at holiday parties.)

“I’ll come do a demonstration for your group!” she says (although we have yet to ask her).

And I have to say, she’s right. I’ve been practicing at home, lining that pee bottle up exactly as she told me to. I haven’t spilled a drop yet. Although, I do think I should start practicing while wearing my ski gloves for full effect.

This was by far the best Holiday Party I went to this year. Thanks, Gretchen Superwoman! I owe my urinary success on Denali to you!

Another interesting article: http://andrewskurka.com/2013/female-hygiene-guide-tips/

1 thought on “Pee Bottles and Holiday Parties

  1. i would have never made it in Nepal without my Pee Nalgene!!
    but sometimes i thought the funnel would have been nice for day pees.

    Like

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